I've been thinking a lot lately, mostly because I've quarantined myself due to sickness, but also because I find myself having a lot to think about; a sort of perpetual state for me. I haven't been this sick in years, and it's frustrating because I'm not too sick to go to work, or maybe I am, but I can still function, and I'm still well enough to eat. Still, my head pounds and I have trouble regulating my body temperature. Enough of this. I want to get better. I feel like a little kid who broke her arm and is thinking of all the things she'll do when she gets the cast off. Minnesota is slowly breaking it's winter chains and I dream of all the things I could do if it were just a little bit warmer out. Surely I'd get better more quickly if I could lay outside in the hammock without getting frosty. Surely my head would clear itself of the pressure invading it if it were only sunny out. I itch all over as my skin is somehow still adjusting to dryness. Hawaii spoiled it with it's moisture. I miss the jungle greatly. I keep hearing Dona say "when you feel sad, pain, you're in it, embrace that and it's beauty, be totally in it." I guess I'm in it right now, and I'm writing about it. I can usually distract myself from it, not that doing so is best, but when my body is working with me, and not writhing in ache, I can do so many things to distract me. So I lay in bed and think, and now write.

I've been thinking mostly about change. More than the ways my life is going to change in about 40 days, the concept of change itself has flooded my brain. Delta is a good name for an airline, and not a good name for a boat anchor. Delta means change. Kai's boat anchor is stamped with the word "delta" on it. Seems like when the anchor is working at it's best, change shouldn't be occurring. There, a simple thought process about change. But then my mind goes deeper. Of all the media and news that is often unwillingly crammed in my face each day, the idea of food and it's relation to the mainstream has been at the forefront of my attention. I read this article on MPR the other day: http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/03/23/food-literacy/ and nearly puked after doing so. I realized then, the reason I was sick, and forced to reach the limits of my ability to entertain myself, stopping at MPR's site on the way. It's depressing for two reasons: 1. that it is considered news, and 2: that it's real. Yes, kids eat terribly, they know little of where their food comes from much less what their food actually is, and yes, their parents aren't much help. But really? A whole article saying all of this? Then, I find british chef Jamie Oliver makes a whole TV show depicting the terrible food that's eaten at US schools. Why is this happening? At first I became infuriated that something so obvious was making front page news. You eat terribly, you turn into mush. Duh right? But then, I realized that it's real, and it is news: two reasons it should be front page, two reasons that once infuriated me, portraying the bubble I've been living in. Even if people know they should eat well, they don't. Jamie says they've been brainwashed sufficiently, but I'm too much of an idealist to play that card just yet. I don't know many people with kids, nor do I really know anyone who doesn't eat well, whole, real foods. In reality, most of the US population is not included in the real food eater category. Ugh, I'm going to be sick again.

I've often been found to complain about what is news. Honestly, I couldn't care less about most news. I'll upset my mother over that statement time and again. Like my apathetic counterparts, which includes much of my generation, I rarely excite myself over matters which I don't feel are impressionable by my efforts, which may be most of what is considered "news." I simply cannot stand that sports are even covered at all. I couldn't care less what the reactions are when certain sports "celebrities" are signed on for disgusting amounts of money. This, to me, is not news. What I would like to hear can be summed up quite easily: what is right with the world, what is wrong with the world, why the right is right, and why the wrong is wrong, and finally, what can be done to make the wrong right. Is that so hard? I feel like so many times most of this is portrayed, but the parts about what is right, what is happy with the world as well as what can be done is skimmed over at best. Can we not disintegrate into obese, dim-witted, slobs that are fed nonsense and politics that distract us from what's really happening?

I thought most people knew corn syrup was not a good thing, but why is it in so many foods still, and why are we still ingesting it at an alarming rate? Why, even after the questioning, do people still grow GMO crops with fertilizers and harsh chemicals that are essentially killing us? How can most people not question where their food comes from?

And so my direction has been set. I just want to inspire curiosity and enable stewardship of our food, our land, the environment and community in which we have chosen for ourselves. I want to make the connection between what one grows, and what another eats, all while having a mutual respect for the land and a common interest of health (both for the environment and for the consumer) throughout the process. I want food to be a not for profit venture. Maybe I'm being arrogant about this one, but with so much at stake, when natural resources are being stripped, when the air I breathe is compromised by certain chemicals in the name of animal feed, I take offense. I just want to know where my food came from, and I want to teach other people how to know that, and maybe inspire a little change in the meantime. Is that so much to work for? We'll see.